Join the Marriage Revolution with Sh. Yaser Birjas!
Finally I’m going to blog something about marriage and the Muslim community in America. There have been many countless posts by many famous Muslim blogs such as MuslimMatters, HAhmed, Umar Lee, Tariq Nelson, and a whole bunch of Muslim sisters who blog about their complaints towards single Muslim men. I don’t know if many of you realized but I haven’t really touched upon the marriage topic on my blog. I actually stayed away from it. The reason being was that I was also part of the single Muslim brothers crowd and if I did share my opinion, I would feel like a hypocrite. Well obviously due to this post, it is clear that I can now share my own comments.
To the Brothers
Become a Man!
I do not how else I can say that. You will be surprised to find out how many brothers I know who are 23+ and act a fool joking around all the time. In fact I fall into this category. I’m 23 and I’m shockingly very stupid and immature at many times. I wonder how my wife saw past this. Alhamdulillah she did! But there are probably many sisters out there who can’t take immaturity and stupidity. So as they say in the streets of Brooklyn: Man up bro!
Get a Bachelor’s degree
Note, I didn’t say get a job, I said get Bachelor’s degree. Wallahi, when I was set to get married, I did not have a job. I was worried like crazy. I’m getting married and I didn’t have a job. Allah is most great and most powerful. Put your trust in Allah and make constant dua. Allah will show you the way. I randomly got a job within a few months before my marriage. It was such a great relief, alhamdulillah. So my advice is you don’t need to get a job in order to get married, just get a degree and show that you are in the process of finding one. This is a major issue, because many parents will not risk engaging their daughter to a brother who doesn’t have a job yet. I’m sorry, I don’t really have a solution to convince your future wife’s parents that you will get a job.
Read about Marriage in Islam
Sh. Hamza Yusuf has an audio collection on this. Sh. Yaser Birjas teaches the “Fiqh of Love” about this. You can visit Halal Tube and find many lectures about marriage. There are hundreds of books on this topic. It’s not hard to seek knowledge about marriage in Islam.
Obey your Parents
What do I mean by this? I’ll be straight up. Another factor is many young Muslims want to get married for the wrong reasons and they completely disobey their parents. In this case, I strong suggest you listen to your parents. Here are some real life examples we all know about:
- Example 1 – Muslim (X) and non-Muslim (Y)
X’s like non-Muslim Y. X is in love with Y and starts to give Y “dawah”. X’s parents says no. X feels this is right and disobeys their parents. X and Y get married. X and Y don’t practice Islam anymore. X and Y divorce. X tells their parents “You were right!”
- Example 2 – Muslim (X) and Muslim (Y)
X and Y think they are Jay Z and Beyonce. They get married, have children, and then divorce. Why? Islam was not their deen. Pop culture and hip-hop was their deen.
Note: Example 1 is for those Muslims who weren’t really practicing but became religious due to their love for their non-Muslim friend in trying to give “dawah” to them. Example 2 is meant for those average Muslims who make up 80% of the Muslim youth who are in high school or entering college. For those who do not believe those two examples are real life situations then they are either living in the Kaaba or they are over the age of 60. In situations like this, it is highly recommended you listen to your parents. Highly!
Just dua it!
To the Sisters:
I can’t really give any advice, but I can say what brothers are looking for. I’m sorry to say this, but the overwhelming majority of brothers agree that looks matter. It’s sad, but I’m not going to lie. Appearance is right up there second to taqwa/deen. The differences amongst brothers is what they define as beauty and what looks good. Some brothers like hijabis. Some brothers like nojabis. Some brothers like dark skin and some brothers like white-skin. So relax. Some brothers like sisters with no make up at all, while some brothers like sisters with make up. It’s purely and entirely up to the brother’s heart. What his hearts desire is what he will look for in his future wife’s beauty.
Please don’t take offense to any of my comments or opinions. They are just my collection of thoughts based on my life as a single Muslim brother hanging out with 100s of other single Muslim brothers.